15 Reasons the Pacifier Fairy Won’t Be Visiting My Home

My three-year-old really fancies his pacifier. Insert your look of dismay here. Now insert my look of ‘like I give a crap.’

Many parents debate when the pacifier love affair should end. My husband and I have taken a joint position on this one. Well-meaning friends have suggested the Pacifier Fairy pay us a visit, confiscate our robust collection, and donate it to a made-up place I couldn’t explain to my child with a straight face… Needless to say, the Fairy won’t be dropping in anytime soon. Here are 15 reasons why:

1.  No kid has to remove their “Paci” for their driver’s license photo.

2.  I’m firmly of the belief that he should be potty trained before his pacifier is taken away. And Lord knows Mama’s got her work cut out in that department.

3.  Keeping a bulk order of Soothies on my Amazon Subscribe and Save helps guarantee I will save 20 percent on my total. And I’m all about saving money. Yes, this is my thinking here.

4.  My son is a vat-of-shit-crap-ass-blood-sucking sleeper. And Paci helps him. When he doesn’t have it, sleep suffers. Less sleep = worse mommy = Paci stays in the picture.

5.  If a fairy should blow through our home, she should bringeth and not taketh away.

6.  Thumb-sucking would not have been better for him. Within five minutes of waking, his thumb has already cleaned out the window sill, found its way into his nose (and mine), and drawn train tracks along the inner rim of his brother’s Diaper Genie. Pacifiers can be taken away at some point. Thumbs can’t. (Well, not legally.) I’ll pass on pushing the thumb agenda. (Besides, the only thing more annoying than unsolicited opinions, are retroactive unsolicited opinions.)

7.  His crib would look depressingly empty without 20 pacifiers tucked around the periphery.

8.  I never used one and I still had braces for over three years, as did both of my sisters. Same for my husband. That’s four people with 12 years of braces, and no pacifier usage. Next.

9.  When I was seven months preg with #2, I weaned my sad son from breastfeeding. Paci’s status was instantly elevated from “Nighttime Companion” to “Bestie.” Weaning was hideous, and Paci’s popularity made it two degrees less than hideous.

10.  I learn a lot about people when they offer their insights on Paci. I’m not sure if I’m ready to give up this window into their psychological makeup just yet.

11.  You know what’s worse than hearing an addict scream for the pacifier in the next room? Hearing one scream for the pacifier that has been taken away Foreverrrrr!! Next room vs. Forever. I’ll take Next Room for a thousand.

12.  I grew as a person when I stopped begging him to remove Paci for pictures. Whether we hire a photographer or we’re snapping a quick pic on my iPhone, the photos capture exactly where we are right now. And I like it here.

13.  I have been forced to think on my feet in hotel rooms when my overtired, screaming octopus needed to sleep, but his flailing limbs knocked all the pacifiers out of the crib slats. Rolled up towels and other quick fixes keep me on my toes, and that’s a good place to be.

14.  His speech is just fine. He simply removes it to speak, then replaces it. Maybe it’s a survival thing, but he makes it known when he needs something – like a different color Paci.

15.  Because the Fairy has not been invited.

A with 2 pacis
Sometimes two are better than one

Leyna Juliet Weber is a Mother/Writer/Actress in that particular order. She is the Co-Founder of WorkingBug.com and lives in Los Angeles with her husband and two small sons in a home that consistently looks vandalized.

16 Responses to 15 Reasons the Pacifier Fairy Won’t Be Visiting My Home

  1. Ha ha! I used to hate that too. I once had my pediatrician say to me, “he will NEVER just give it up on his own, you HAVE to take it from him!” You bet I called that doctor when Gio said to me unsolicited on his 3rd birthday, “I’m a big guy now like NiNi (short for Anthony his older cool cousin) I don’t need this anymore.” And he was done! We did however give it to the paci fairy that night & she gave him a cool robot (I had stashed in my closet for when I trusted the day would come.) PS the doctor was not so happy about my call! 🙂

    • Great story. Nice that the fairy came after and didn’t ply it from him. The idea came from him – and i bet you loved telling your dr. that!

  2. My son is 8 now and he was the same way with his paci! I for all the same reasons never felt the need to take it away! Around his 4th birthday he decided he didn’t want it anymore! His teeth are fine and his speech is fine!! I do however sometimes think he could still use it at bedtime from time to time! 🙂

    • I bet they all could, Kelly! I’m glad your son is a well adjusted 8 year old and I wish some of the haters on HuffPo could read that! They posted it today, and there are definitely two camps on this one! Thanks for writing:)

  3. I love this! I wish I could have put this under so many nose’s a couple of years ago. My three all had “nummies” (here in New Zealand we call pacifiers dummies) my first daughter decided at 13 months old, that her day old baby sister needed her nummie more than she did. But my second daughter, at 5 still had hers at night and would woefully tell me that her nummie couldn’t leave, because it was her bestest friend. I knew I wasn’t going to watch her walk down the isle with it, but no one else could see that. It really broke my heart when she and I would get hassled about. My third child, my son, he gave his up just before his 5th birthday when he decided that he was ready to say goodbye.

    Thank you for writing this, and enjoy your families nummie photos, because they rock!

  4. My just turned 3 year old is obsessed with “paci,” is not potty trained, and yes, still drinks milk from a bottle before bed. Like your son, he is not the best sleeper and without paci there wouldn’t be much sleep in this house, and Mama needs sleep. Thanks for sharing. Glad to know we’re not alone!

  5. i need to pass this around to my family! My son is also three and is more into his dummy (I’m from the UK) than ever. We’ve just had our second son and my wonderful health visitors (bit like a midwife/paediatrician) told me not to worry about dummy obsession. Especially with new baby around. She said he’ll either give the dummy up on his own or try cutting it smaller and smaller when WE think the time is right.

    • Right. No one else knows (regardless of how well-intentioned a family member is!) what is best for your kiddo! The adjustment to a new sibling is tough. Good luck. And great you are listening to your heart 🙂

  6. AMEN!!! I just put my birthday girl to bed on her 4th birthday paci-in-mouth; having just told her the pacifairy is coming tonight. I came downstairs covered in angst about it, and googled the subject, and landed on this post. This makes me feel normal. I’m SO tired of the guilt, of the conflict, of my family’s disapproving looks and comments. My firstborn son, I rid him of his paci at precisely 18-months when the books suggested so. He’s 8 now, and the dentist said he already knows he’ll need braces. My daughter is 4 as I stated and she’ll probably take after her dad and never need them. Yes, it has turned into her bestie over the last year. We tried to wean her from it on her 3rd birthday but she somehow found one that had gone missing months before and I didn’t have the strength to wean again. So here we are. Her 4th birthday. She’s like an addict with it. But I DREAD how bedtime will go over the next week. UGH!!! I’m seriously considering telling her the pacifairy said she could keep it only for bedtime. ugh. Screw all of your disapproving looks people. I’ starting a movement: #dontjudgethepaci

    • Well, I’m glad you feel normal! We are not the only ones in this. Good luck with whatever you decide. Sometimes it is easier for people to have hard and fast rules rather than think about it the way you are doing right now because clearly you have a lot of compassion for your daughter. It’s hard. I hear you. My son is still using his. My other two kids never took to it. My son is five and uses it for sleep. It comes out of his mouth once he’s sleeping. I can think of worse things! Good luck, Heather!

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